Diaries of a Mad Black Womxn
On Anger ~
When you decide to begin living life looking towards the sun and on a journey to enlightenment/higher consciousness/becoming a better person and/or your best self, etc. the emotional heaviness of anger is one that’s usually accompanied with shame or maybe even a bit of guilt (at least for me), because we’re constantly being told to “look on the bright side” or “find the positive in every situation” or “view life with your glass half full” and so on, but this isn’t always possible, and even if it is, it may not always be authentic, which I feel can do much more damage to your being rather than just letting yourself be angry. In terms of the shame and guilt, these are ways I have felt on a personal level whenever I sit in my angry/negative emotions and thoughts as they arise, and it’s something I’m coming to terms with by trying to unlearn this automatic response to a perfectly natural and expected human emotion.
The problem with anger, in my opinion, is when it just stops there. It’s never an emotion that stands alone, in most cases, it’s being driven by something and is accompanied with other emotions too. Whether stemming an act of injustice or ignorance or cruelty in your world, I feel that what’s commonly underlying the feelings of anger is a deep desire for things to be different, for something to change, or for accountability to be held. At some level, there’s a refusal to accept things the way they are. It can be hard to think clearly while sitting in the heat of the flames, so it’s always best to remember to be patient with yourself before making any decisions or taking any action. Let the anger pass through you. As heavy and unbearable as the sensation may feel at times, it is only an emotion. Side note: I love understanding ‘e-motions’ with the idea that they are simply energy in motion, meaning it will pass. It always does. It will flow through you just as the clouds flow across the skies each day; sometimes peaceful and calmly while other times with harsh turmoil, but it does always moves (when allowed to).
Holding onto anger without processing it or resisting it being felt either through ignoring it or the opposite, letting it blind and consume you will all result in some form of stuck-ness — both physically and figuratively. The change that our inner selves desire from the very reason we were so angered to begin with, will not be any closer than it was before if the anger it’s just left there. I think that anger alone is pretty useless, because it cannot create change or at least progress since it inhibits proper judgement. Anger is irrational and perhaps at times explosive, and fire cannot be fought with fire. Not only do I think it’s useless but also destructive when it’s experienced on it’s own and frequently. That stuck-ness of the emotion will become trapped inside our energetic bodies will eventually manifest into our physical body through issues with blood pressure, sleep, mental health, etc.
Anger that is fuelled by the drive to make the appropriate and necessary changes for a cause can be monumental. People who are pissed can really get shit done (if they want to), but not by only remaining angry. One must also be motivated and hopeful that another outcome and/or future actually is possible. A perfect example of something I just recently heard about comes to mind — the incredible Sybrina Fulton, mother of Trayvon Martin, who is now running for office in Miami. Somehow being able to use her Earth-shattering pain and anger from the inhumane murder of her 17-year-old son in order to create effective and promising and hopeful change to the state of Florida is, indeed, monumental. I can’t even imagine having that much strength, but I think it is the only way to get through it. We need to have the ability to take a step further, beyond their scope of our understanding of what happened and beyond what we are feeling in order to see the bigger picture of what happened, what is still happening, and what needs to be done about it. This does not mean diminishing your anger or pushing it away, by any means, but we also shouldn’t live or act in it, but rather see it for what it is, recognize it as one of our many human emotions in order to understanding it and listen to what it is saying and then simply let it go — leaving it behind so that our new and better future can be strived towards. That hopeful future requires our full abilities and attention, so we will need to have created the space, by relinquishing our anger, in order to be able to feel something else.
Anger reminds us that we are alive; the fire inside all of us that has a purpose and a voice and the willpower to create change. One cannot experience the full bliss of life without also experiencing the downs and the pitfalls that are part of our full range of emotions; part of the beauty of being human. These emotions are what allow us to better understand one another and they enrich our levels of consciousness by learning from hardship, learning more about ourselves, more about what it means to be human, and more about the ecosystems we’re a part of.
I’ll try to remind myself of this the next time I feel ashamed for getting angry over something; I’ll try to remember that by recognizing my highest self and still sitting in the muddy parts of myself is perfectly okay, and might even be helpful to my ultimate purpose. It’s all just part of the process and all parts are valid experiences. I want it all — the good, the bad and the ugly, because I want to be all that I am without minimizing or dimming any part of me. The shame actually has nothing to do with me, it is only fear. Growing and being true to myself matters more to me and there’s nothing wrong with being angry, it’s what comes after that makes all the difference.